Special Post: Our 29th Wedding Anniversary

I want to give full credit to my wife, for inspiring me to be a better man and I don't want to leave anything out. 

NOVEMBER 4th, 2018 WAS OUR 29th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 

So, where do I begin?  

Let's start with "Yes, I still do!"  I still love her and would still choose to marry her.  

• I find her the sexiest woman I've met.  It's not overt, like a late teenager/early twenties woman, "shaking her ass in your face" to get you fired up.  "No," I'm not in it just for the sex (Let's face it:  If any relationship was based purely on sex and sexual performance, it would end when either party couldn't perform as they once could.).  She still arouses me.
• She is still as pretty as she was at age 19.  We dated for 5-1/2 years (to the day) before we got married, waited nearly 7 years until we had children, raised and homeschooled both of them and we still get along.  We've aged 34+ years since we first went out together.  She's had 2 children (and gained some weight which she never lost).  I've gained some weight too, gone mostly bald and my facial hair has changed from red to black to salt and pepper and is now mostly grey.  We've both faced some medical conditions that come with aging; High Blood Pressure, Speed Apnea Weight Gain and Knee Problems.
• She's my best friend.  I can discuss ANYTHING with her (though some subjects are more uncomfortable than others).  We are close and our two, disparate lives merged into a single life, with a single direction.  The two have become one.
• She still puts up with my "Stupid Shit," weird self-deprecating sense of humor, my 2nd guessing things that I've done in the past and annoying habits.  Before we had children, she'd get up with early on Saturday Mornings with me to watch Pinky and the Brain cartoons (and all of the vaudeville jokes and AYPWIP? Lines - now we have them on DVD and can watch them whenever we want).  We still laugh at the dumb Vaudeville jokes.  She still goes "train chasing" with me to photograph Steam Locomotives in action, pulling passenger trains (as I got to find out on Father's Day in 2013, as we chased Southern Railway Consolidation Type, # 630 from Historic Spencer Shops to Barber Junction (NC) on Norfolk Southern's "S-Line" toward Asheville) and later went to photograph her favorite steam locomotive, the Norfolk & Western class "J," streamliner, #611 in Thomasville, NC on its maiden trip after being restored a second time.
• I still try to tell her how beautiful she is (on a daily basis) and buy her flowers about once a week.
• I try to watch and follow the British Romance Novels of the 1600s-1800s that have been made into films with her (e.g. Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Jane Eyre, et al).
• Her smile still melts my heart, reminding me of just how beautiful she is and of my hopes and dreams to share my life with hers.

Is "Love" still the super hot sexual attraction that it once was?

• No, the excitement of purely erotic love (eros) can't be sustained, simply because we eventually become familiar with each other.  However, it is still VERY GOOD and I'm still very attracted to her.
• Love has turned into a very comfortable place, where we are naked and unashamed of who we are in front of each other (not just how we look, but our ideas, hopes, dreams and who we really are).
• We still occasionally go out (on a date) to eat, but it's different than what we'd do as young 20 year olds.

So what does our love for each other look like in our early to mid 50s?

• Well, the kids are grown and "going."  Our son has moved out and is living with friends.  Our daughter is going to college, studying Engineering Technology and (currently is) going to take additional courses and transfer to a 4 year Mechanical Engineering degree.  We're not quite "Empty Nesters," but we're headed that way in a hurry, as well as toward retirement.
• We have our own hobbies, just as we did before we married.  We enjoy walking together, when our knees aren't bothering us.
• There's very little that shocks me any more and it would take something catastrophically egregious to change the way that I feel about her.  We can and do joke about each others' "quirks."  I suspect (and hope) that she feels the same way.

Here are some of my general thought about the Marriage Relationship:

• Marriage is difficult and is nothing like the romantic stories found in books or the movies.  It takes hard work.  
• If you depend on your partner to make you happy, you are going to be sorely disappointed.
• We should marry to compliment each other, to help each other, to encourage each other.  
• Beauty is fleeting:  We soon got old, fat, bald and grey (me balding, with mostly grey facial hair, her greying, losing the flower of youth.
• Love is about commitment.  It's an irrational act of giving yourself away, that is not dependent on the return of the same level of commitment from the other party.
• You can't change another person (and a wise person would not even try).  
• You need to decide before you marry that you can live with their cute little quirks that you'll someday come to resent or hate and you would be far better to change yourself and choose not to be bothered by them.
• You need to ask yourself before you get married, can we be together when life is boring and there is nothing to do (or there is no time or money to do anything that is entertaining)?
• You marry, promising in front of GOD, family and close friends that you'll forsake other partners, and devote your love toward your chosen partner, despite times of plenty or need, times of health or infirmity, for better or worse, until death.  A preacher is there to represent GOD, as His witness and your family and friends are there as well to bear witness against you, should you decide to break that vow.  If they are good friends, they should be willing to "kick your ass" or "knock some sense back into you to persuade you to "get your mind right" and "your act together," so you'll decide to keep that vow.

On Sunday, November 4th, Susan and I celebrated 29 years of marriage by taking a Sunday Drive in her Buick Century Custom through the Uwharries today.  The Uwharries are an old, worn down chain of mountains that might get to just above 1000 feet in altitude,  just past the end of the Sandhills and into the Piedmont of North Carolina.  It's very rural area with spotty cellular coverage.  Some places are beautiful and there are numerous places to hike, camp and go four-wheeling, off road.

We left and went up US 29  over to Concord, eating breakfast at a McDonalds (about our 4th choice, but other places we wanted to go were too crowded or had stopped selling breakfast by 11:00 AM).  Leaving Concord at about 11:30 AM, we drove east on NC 3 to NC 73, turning northeast and went to Mt. Pleasant.  The weather was perfect, clear and in the low to mid 60s.  Turning on NC 49 we rode northeast, crossing US 52 (with my alma matter, Pfeiffer University about 2 miles up US 52, towards Salisbury) and then the Yadkin River’s Tuckertown Reservoir,  continuing on until the NC 109 interchange.  We turned right (south) and drove into Troy, going to NC 24/27 via NC 109 Business and NC 134.  We took NC 24/27 southwest back through the Uwharries toward Albemarle (taking a minute to traverse both directions on the Bridge over the Yadkin River, down toward what I’d call "the narrows,” as the river valley is pretty steep in that area - and the water level today on Badin Lake was down between 6' - 10,' with the edge of the water way out past the ends of the docks in that area of the river).  By this time we were getting chilly, as it had become moderately overcast weather with slightly dark clouds and the temperature was falling, though it was about 2:00 PM.  Then we continued back into Cabarrus County at Midland and turned right on Sam Black Road, Right again on Flowes Store Road, left on Piney Church Road, Right on Lower Rocky River Road, Left on Rocky River Road, Right again on Stallings Road, Right on Harrisburg Veterans Parkway and a left on NC 49.  From there, we drove back home.  

The leaf colors were generally muted with dull reds, somber browns and dull Greens of deciduous hardwood trees getting ready to drop their leaves and go dormant, punctuated by Evergreens (pines, and cedars), the bright Red of Sumac and with some Oranges and Yellows.  It's only been relatively cold one day so far, slipping to near freezing at night about 2 weeks ago.  Most days are still in the 60-70 degree Fahrenheit range and night time temps are in the 50s.  It's still warm for this time of year and we've had a lot of rain with the left overs of Hurricanes Florence.

There was a lot of Mold in the air and especially on the backs of leaves that are turning (color and loose!).  It made the day uncomfortable in places where the local mold levels were especially high.  When my allergies were really bothering me, viscous phlegm drainage was causing me to hack like a 3-pack-a-day smoker. as I tried to speak.

Our Sunday drive was just about 125 miles and took us 4-1/2 hours including time for breakfast at McDonalds (Susan went Keto with a Triple Stack Breakfast Sandwich on an English Muffin, tossing the English Muffin and the American Cheese.  She got an extra egg slice on her sandwich.  I had the Same, made as a Combo (without the extra egg), eating the whole sandwich and the Potato Cake.  I had my customary Sweet Tea, while Susan had the Iced Coffee, Extra Cream and Sugar Free Vanilla).  Just guessing, but I’d bet her car got 20 - 25 MPG (her car seems to be better geared for the NC Hills than my Olds 98 Regency, which was originally ordered for Northeastern Ohio).  We didn't play the radio or mess with phones:  We just drove (as I enjoy driving and she just does it to get from point A to point B, I drove and she rode) and talked with each other on various topics.  She was still recovering from minor outpatient knee surgery on her left knee last Wednesday, so there was little getting out and walking except to stop at restrooms.

It was a good day and we really enjoyed each other's company.